Call the police.. I'VE BEEN ROBBED in Phoenix, AZ!

(In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorney, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. DUN, DUN!)

What demands an answer, but asks no question?? NATURE! And when nature was calling me outside the local, quaint, neighborhood coffee-house #34,592, I did not have time to screen the call. So I did what I usually do with my unattended bike- shift it into the hardest gear and disconnect the brakes. Therefore, severely decreasing the rate of speed at which an individual could make a get-away. And in the off chance they did, I could pursue them until they uncontrollably made a B-line into a car or bush (preferably a car), while pulling the non-existent brakes with white knuckles. I've ran this scenario in my head a few times.

And when I came back out...

My bike was still there!  Sweet.  But since I had to ask an employee for the key to the restroom, she made me swear I would buy something.  I usually don't like using bad words, but I was left with no choice.

I returned the key to the employee and told her I needed to go back to my bike to get some cash.  The employee grabbed the key from me and tried to gauge my truthfulness with a stare reminiscent to my mother's.  Chills went up and down my spine, and if I wasn't going to buy something before, I was now!  I scurried out the door and went straight for the cash pocket on my bike.

But it was completely emptied out of it's contents!  Debit card, $60 cash, a back-up iPhone (in case mine ran out of battery) and a half-eaten Oatmeal Raisin Clif bar!  Really?!  I quickly ask local patrons if they had seen anybody digging through my bicycle, but to no avail.  So I decided to hold my own sting operation.

I placed decoy cash (napkins) in the pocket and hid in the bushes nearby.  But as soon as I smeared mud streaks across my face and got settled in a squat, I had to use the restroom again.  Why do you always have to go to the bathroom as soon as you find a good hiding spot??  Now I had to either hold it, or go back inside again, with no money to buy anything and face... her!  I decided to hold it.  I walked back over to my bicycle, and began to examine for evidence that would lead me to the perpetrator.  

And as luck would have it, I was collecting a TON of inch length, black hair samples!  Until I remembered I got a haircut yesterday...

After exhausting my leads and investigative knowledge acquired from Stabler and Liv, I had no other choice then to hand it over to the professionals.  I started walking towards the street corner and I figured this sign spinner would be a good person to ask directions to the police station.  Which he was!  He immediately pointed confidently in this direction while bobbing his head to the thumping of classic rock.

And then his sign quickly and erratically spun in the opposite direction!

Then this way...

Then that way...

Behind the head...

DUDE?!  I've had enough... I'll find it myself.  After asking a few law-abiding citizens, I found the police station.   An officer sat me down and he started writing a report as I carefully described what happened and exactly what they had taken from me.  The officer then asked me what the phone number was for the phone, in which I could not recall.  As soon as I opened my iPhone to search for the number, my friend text messaged me saying that someone had hacked into my Facebook account and was posting crude statuses!  I frantically logged into Facebook and sure enough, a very suggestive status was posted under my name!  Underneath the status was the location in which it was posted from- Phoenix, AZ.  And along with the location, was a description of the device it was sent from- "Sent from my iPhone"!  The status wasn't sent from YOUR iPhone punk, it was sent from MINE!  The officer and I quarterbacked the plan and I commented under the status- "I'll give you $200 for my phone back.  It has to be tonight though, I'm leaving early tomorrow for work.  Call me at (officer's phone number)."

And 5-minutes later, the officer got a call... (To be continued)

What should we do next??  Do I have any chance at recovering my property?  Should I go undercover as a woman??  Leave your comments and advice below!

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